The answers of al-Sayyid al-Sadr were clear and convincing, but it was very difficult for a person like me to comprehend them. Twenty-five years of my life had been based
on the idea of glorifying and respecting the Companions of
the Prophet, especially the Rightly Guided Caliphs. The
Messenger of Allah commanded us to follow their teachings,
in particular Abu Bakr al-Siddiq and Umar al-Farooq, but I
had never heard their names mentioned since I arrived in
Iraq. Instead, I heard strange names that I had never come
across before, and that there were twelve Imams, and a claim
that the Messenger of Allah had stated before his death that
Imam Ali should be his successor. How could I believe all
that (that all Muslims and the Companions of the Prophet-
who was the best of people -, after the death of the Prophet
agreed to stand against Ali - may Allah honour him) when
we had been taught from childhood that the Companions of
the Prophet - may Allah bless them all - respected Ali and
knew very well what kind of man he was. They knew that he
was the husband of Fatima al-Zahra and the father of al-Hasan and al-Husayn and the gate to the city of knowledge.
Our Master Ali knew the quality of Abu Bakr al-Siddiq, who
became a Muslim before anybody else, and accompanied the
Prophet to the cave, as is mentioned by Allah, the Mighty, in
the Qur'an, and whom the Messenger of Allah charged with
the leadership of the prayers during his illness, and said
about him, if I was taking a very close friend, I would have
chosen Abu Bakr." Because of all that, the Muslims elected
him as their caliph. Imam Ali knew the position of our master
Umar, with whom Allah glorified Islam, and the Messenger
of Allah called him al-Farooq, he who separates right from
wrong. Also Imam Ali knew the position of our master
Uthman, in whose presence the angels of the Merciful felt
shy, and who organized al-Usrah's army, and who was
named by the Messenger of Allah as "Dhu al-Nurayn", the
man who is endowed with two lights. How could our brothers
al-Shia ignore or pretend to ignore all that, and make these
personalities just ordinary characters subject to all worldly
whims and greed so that they deviated from the right path
and disobeyed the orders of the Messenger after his death.
This was inconceivable since we know that these people used
to hasten to execute the orders of the Messenger; they killed
their sons and fathers and members of their tribes for the
sake of glorifying Islam and its ultimate victory. He who
would kill his father and son for the sake of Allah and His
Messenger could not be subject to worldly and transitory
ambitions such as the position of Caliph, and ignoring the
orders of the Messenger of Allah.
Yes, because of all that I could not believe all the Shia
were saying, in spite of the fact that I was convinced about
many things. I remained in a state of doubt and perplexity:
doubtful because of what the Shii learned scholars Ulama
said to me, which I found sensible and logical; and
perplexed because I could not believe that the Companions
of the Prophet - may Allah bless them all - would sink to such
a low moral stand and become ordinary people like us,
neither sharpened by the light of the Message nor able to be
enlightened by Muhammad. O my God, how could that be?
Could the Companions of the Prophet be at the level
described by the Shia? The important thing is that doubt and
perplexity were the beginning of weakness and the realization that there were many hidden issues to be uncovered
before reaching the truth.
My friend came, then we travelled to Karbala, and there
I lived the tragedy of our master al-Husayn in the same way
his followers, and only then did I know that he had not died
an ordinary death. People tend to crowd around his grave
like butterflies and cry with such sorrow and grief that I have
never seen before, as if al-Husayn had just been martyred. I
heard speakers who aroused the feelings of people when
describing the incident at Karbala, accompanied by crying
and wailing, and soon the listener loses control of himself
and collapses. I cried and cried and let myself go as if
crushed, and felt a relief that I had never experienced
before that day; I felt that I had been in the ranks of al-
Husayn's enemies and had suddenly changed sides to be one
of his followers who sacrificed themselves for his sake. The
speaker was reciting the story of al-Hurr, who was one of the
commanders in charge of fighting al-Husayn, who stood in
the middle of the battlefield shaking like a leaf, and when
one of his friends asked him, "Are you afraid of death?" He
answered, "No, by Allah, but I am choosing between heaven
and hell." Then he kicked his horse and went towards al-Husayn and asked, "Is there a repentance, O son of the Messenger of Allah?"
When I heard that, I could not control myself and fell on
the floor crying and felt as if I was in the position of al-Hurr,
asking al-Husayn, "Is there a repentance, O son of the Messenger of Allah? Forgive me O son of the Messenger of
Allah. The voice of the speaker was so moving that people
started crying and wailing, and when my friend heard my
cries, he embraced me, like a mother embracing her child,
and started crying and calling, "O Husayn...O Husayn..."
These were moments, during which I learnt that meaning
of real crying and felt that my tears washed my heart and
body from the inside, and then I understood the meaning of
the Messenger's saying: If you knew what I know, you would
have laughed little and cried more.
I was depressed throughout the day, although my friend
tried to re-assure me and cheer me up by offering me some
refreshments, but I had lost my appetite completely. I asked
him to repeat the story of the martyrdom of al-Husayn, for I
did not know much about it except the fact that our religious
leaders told us that the enemies of Islam killed our masters
Umar, Uthman and Ali, and that the same enemies killed
our master al-Husayn; and that is all we knew. In fact we
used to celebrate Ashura, as one of the festival days of Islam;
alms were distributed and various types of food were cooked
and the young boys went to their elders who gave them
money to buy sweets and toys.
However, there are a few customs in some villages during
Ashura: people do not light fires or do any kind of work.
People do not get married or celebrate a happy occasion. We
usually accept them at face value without any explanation
given, and strangely enough, our religious leaders talk to us
about the greatness of Ashura and how blessed it is.
After that we went to visit the grave of al-Abbas, the
brother of al-Husayn. I did not know who he was, but my
friend informed me about his bravery. We also met many
pious religious leaders whose names I cannot recall in detail,
but I can still recall their surnames: Bahr al-Ulum, al-Sayyid
al-Hakim, Kashif al-Ghita, al-Yasin, al-Tabatabai, al-
Feiruzabadi, Asad Haidar, and others, who honoured me
with their company.
They are truly pious religious leaders, possessing all the
signs of dignity and respect, and the Shia population respect
them and give them one fifth of their incomes.
Through these donations they manage the affairs of the
religious schools, open new schools, establish presses and
assist students who come to them from all over the Islamic
world.
They are independent and not connected in any way with
the rulers; unlike our religious leaders who would not do or
say anything without the approval of the authorities, who pay
their salaries and appoint them, and remove them whenever they want.
It was a new world that I had discovered, or rather, Allah
had discovered for me. I started to enjoy it having previously
kept away from it, and gradually blended with it after I had
opposed it. I gained new ideas from this new world, and it
inspired me with the quest for knowledge and research until I
reached the desired truth which always comes to mind
whenever I read the saying of the prophet: The sons of Israel
were divided into seventy-one groups, and the Christians
were divided into seventy-two groups, and my people will be
divided into seventy-three groups, all of which, except one
group will end up in Hell.
Here is not the place to talk about the various religions
which claim to be the right one and that the rest are wrong,
but I am surprised and astonished whenever I read this saying. My surprise and astonishment is not at the saying itself,
but at those Muslims who read it and repeat it in their
speeches and brush over it without analyzing it or even
attempting to find out which the group is going to be saved
and which are going to be doomed.
The interesting thing is that each group claims that it is
the saved one. At the end of the saying came the following:
"Who are they, O Messenger of Allah?" He answered,
"Those who follow my path and the path of my Companions." Is there any group that does not adhere to the Book
[Qur'an] and Sunnah (the prophetic tradition), and is there
any Islamic group that claims otherwise? If Imams Malik or
Abu Hanifah or al-Shafii or Ahmed ibn Hanbel were asked,
wouldn't each and everyone of them claim that he adheres to
the teachings of the Qur'an and the Right Sunnah'?'
These are the Sunni Madhahib, in addition to the various
Shii-groups, which I had believed at one time to be deviant
and corrupt. All of them claim to adhere to the Qur'an and
the correct Sunnah which has been handed down through
Ahl al-Bayt (the Prophets Family) who knew best about what
they were saying. Is it possible that they are all right, as they
claim? This is not possible, because the Prophets saying states
the opposite, unless the saying is invented or fabricated. But
that is not possible either, because the saying is accepted by
both the Shia and Sunnis. Is it possible that the saying has no
meaning? God forbid that His Messenger (saw) could
utter a meaningless and aimless saying, as he only spoke
words of wisdom. Therefore we are left with one possible
conclusion: that there is one group which is on the right path,
and that the rest are wrong. Thus, the saying tends to make
one confused and perplexed, but in the meantime it encourages research and study by those who want to be saved.
Because of that, I became doubtful and perplexed after
my meeting with the Shia, for who knows, they might be saying the truth! So should I not study and investigate?
Islam, through the Qur'an and Sunnah ordered me to
study, investigate and to compare, and Allah - the Most High
said:
And (as for) those who strive hard for Us, We will most certainly guide them in Our ways
(Holy Qur'an 29:69).
He also said: Those who listen to the word, then follow the best of it; these are they whom Allah has guided, and those it is who are the men of understanding
(Holy Qur'an 39:18)
The Messenger of Allah (saw) said,
Study your religion until it is said that you are mad.
Therefore research and comparison are legal obligations for every responsible person.
Having reached this decision and resolution, and with
this promise to myself and my Shii friends from Iraq, I
embraced them and bade them farewell, full of sorrow since
I liked them and they liked me. I felt that I had left dear and
faithful friends who had sacrificed their time in order to help
me. They did it out of their own choice and asked for nothing
except the approval of Allah, Praise be to Him. The Prophet
(saw) said, "If Allah chooses you to guide one man (to the
right path), then that is worth more than all the riches on
earth."
I left Iraq having spent twenty days among the Imams and
their followers, and the time had passed like a nice dream
from which the sleeper was loathe to awake. I left Iraq feeling sorry for the brevity of this period. and sorry to leave dear
friends who were full of love for Ahl-al-Bayt.
I left Iraq for the Hijaz seeking the House of Allah and
the grave of the Master of the First and the Last (saw).